The Nightmare

My heart stopped beating when I heard my husband screaming and crying at the top of his lungs. I could not believe it. Our precious 7-month old baby fell off the bed! I felt like dying that very minute. I was trembling when I ran from the kitchen to our bedroom. It was such a horrible feeling to see my baby got hurt. My husband was carrying him when I entered the room. He really looked horrified! He was stomping his feet and crying his heart out while sort of blaming me for leaving our angel on the bed while cooking something for lunch. I hated and cursed myself silently. My spirit died when I saw my little angel crying. I was in a state of shock and was not able to say anything. Then our helper, who at that moment was doing our laundry, came running to us with an ice-pack on her hand and took the baby away from my frantic husband. I was devastated...and all I did was burst into tears.

When I came back to my senses, I took Greggy from Ate Jessie and put some ice on his swollen forehead. He was shaking a bit when I held him close to me ---I died once again. I hugged him so tightly and said sorry countless times for being such a negligent mother. I have never been this scared in my whole life! He stopped crying after a few minutes and started smiling at me, like he always does. I was still crying non-stop while I was putting ice on his forehead. I still could not believe it. I know it was my fault. I shouldn't have left him alone on the bed. I just thought he was secured enough with those tons of pillows I put all around him...But I was terribly wrong. My husband was right in the living room working on our curtain rod and I even heard him check our baby out every so often to see what he's doing so I thought everything was okay. We didn't turn on the aircon so we can leave the bedroom door open while we were doing our tasks. I also checked on him every now and then.

My husband and I were not in speaking terms for a few minutes. He was walking back and forth in the living room ---still ranting and crying. I felt his pain and that even rubbed salt into my wound. But thankfully, Greggy did not show any signs of abnormal behavior. I was surprised to see him laughing and jumping once again. He was looking at me as if nothing happened. I hugged him once again and thanked God he looked okay.

When we finally got on our feet back again, we decided to call his Pedia. We just wanted to make sure that his brain was not damaged by the fall. We were advised to observe his behavior within six hours before taking him to the hospital for a complete check-up.

By God's grace, our little angel showed no signs of abnormality in his behavior. He was calm, happy and was even playing with us. We were relieved somehow... but still worried --and paranoid. I didn't wanna go to work because I wanted to watch over him further but I just couldn't. Damn our office! We are not allowed to be absent on a weekend because there's only four agents on duty. Otherwise, we'll get a memo. So my husband decided to drop his work instead.

So with a heavy feeling, I went to work carrying this pang of guilt in my heart. As I write this entry, I'm still crying. This is a lesson I will never forget. I'll die if this happens again. I have to remember this day...It's sad that sometimes we need to learn things the hard way. I know his fall was not serious but the fear was too agonizing for us to handle. I thought I would faint. Next time, I'll do the best I can to be more careful and watchful.

I am sorry I was not able to protect you, baby... :-( I'm so sorry...